We are all going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones

I’ve thought about death for as long as I can remember. When I was 5 years old, I asked my Mom to confirm if I, in fact, am going to die someday. I found it difficult to fathom that I just wouldn’t exist. Sometime after that, I became interested in pre-teen books about kids with cancer. My family couldn’t quite understand why I would want to read novels about such a morbid topic. And I’m not sure I can quite put words to what drew me to them at the time, but I get the sense that those books reminded me of how special our time on earth is, and how lucky I am to be alive and without suffering. Or as Richard Dawkins puts it, “we are all going to die and that makes us the lucky ones.”

This personal connection to existential pondering is part of the reason I’m so drawn to existential therapy in my practice with clients. And it doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out, but that we get to ask questions about why we’re here together. I have moments of awe and positive overwhelm that I’m here on this beautiful earth, lucky enough to be in this body. And I have moments of suffering, sitting with a feeling of futility, emptiness or wondering if I’m making the right choices with how I’m spending my life. 

I’m sometimes filled with a greedy desire to have 5 lifetimes to do and experience everything that excites me. I stay awake at night wondering if I could be climbing a mountain in France, practicing meditation at a Temple in Tibet, being an Au Pair in Italy, or driving a van around Europe on one of the most insane road trips of all time. And I wonder how many experiences I’ll be able to have in my lifetime, despite the wonderful place and combination of experiences I’m having right now (and so lucky to have). Maybe part of this is fuelled by social media, but I feel like it’s also due to how passionate I am about learning and exploring. And in large part, my fear of my limited time on earth. And what a distinctly human fear that is. No other species is concerned about such things, but this is part of what makes us unique. 

This makes me think of one of my favourite Netflix shows, ‘The Good Place.’ The premise of this show is that Eleanor (Kristen Bell) mistakenly ends up in ‘the Good Place’ after she dies, even though it seems clear to her that they made a mistake. She knows that they’re confusing her with someone else, and she does everything in her power to stay in the Good Place. One especially great episode features Eleanor supporting an all-knowing immortal being, named Michael (Ted Danzen) through an existential crisis. Michael had never thought of existence in this way, and exclaims, 

“Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?”

Eleanor feels like the least likely person to step up and offer advice, but she reflects on her own life and offers wisdom and support, by sharing,

“All humans are aware of death. So we’re all a little bit sad all the time. That’s just the deal.”

I was shocked to hear such an honest truth about our existence on a Netflix comedy. Spoiler alert…the show is actually full of such lines. Eleanor really tells it like it is, explaining that this sadness is built into our existence. And everyone experiences this in a different way. It’s an unconscious thread of thought for many, but it does still underlie lots of life choices. 

We have the amazing power to both hold this existential sadness and simultaneously use it as inspirational fuel to use our time here wisely. I’ve had the privilege of working with hospital patients who were at the end stage of life, and they’ve been in a position of wanting to share their greatest experiences and lessons they’ve learned along the way. I could write numerous blog posts just about these stories and lessons, but the overwhelmingly common theme was looking back at time spent with family, spending time outdoors, having fun, and regrets about not travelling more and working too much. If we can be reminded of how short life can be on a regular basis, it might help remind us to make as many choices as possible that lead to happiness (which is different for each of us). 

Our journey is sacred and unique. Your life story will never exist again in this universe. We have the privilege of having this body and soul in this place. Don’t feel overwhelmed by ruminating endlessly over how you spend your time. But with a light heart take this reminder that your decision with how you spend your time is a sacred part of your journey.